Dear Anna,
Sexual desire is made up of fantasy, motivation, and arousal, and it does vary from woman to woman. Some women naturally (and all pre-menopausal women generally) have a bit more natural testosterone than may boost sex drive. The research into drug replacement therapies for women with low sex drives is not yet producing much positive results for pre-menopausal women and those minimal results come with serious side effects. There isn’t yet a Viagra for us gals. Your gynecologist can evaluate your hormone levels to check for possible imbalances. Women, in general, often need to feel an emotional connection to their men to feel sexually available. This may be the blessing or the curse of our gender. On the high side, it provides motivation for the couple to forge deeper intimacy. On the low road, we can miss out on the pleasure, connection, and stress relief that sex provides to men who can compartmentalize a bit better. (Not to mention the fated reality that men often need sex to feel emotionally connected!). Certainly sex drive is a complicated issue but with committed action you can kindle it. Use the following daily practices to help put you in touch with an inner eroticism: 1) Observe the times of day that you experience any desire and take note at least for the weekend if it isn’t practical to act on these moments during the week; 2) Heighten your experience by allowing a sexual fantasy to develop…perhaps think of what you’d like to do with your spouse if you had no inhibitions or linger over a favorite past lovemaking. Your mind is your most powerful sex organ; 3) Allow some sensual input to fan the flame with a sexy romantic movie, a brisk walk outside to put you in touch with your body, an erotic passage of a novel or poetry.
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