 |  |
 Parenting 101 - Parenting Advice 10 Best Gifts For Your Teen By Patt and Steve Saso  Bad ExampleWe also teach by our bad example. Often the very behaviors that we cannot stand in our teenagers are a reflection of our own faults and shortcomings. The next time you are aware of a behavior that really bugs you about your teenager, ask yourself, “Is this something that I do? Is this a negative aspect of my character?” Reflecting in this way might help you to be more gentle on your teenager, as well as yourself. Being aware of our own personality flaws and shortcomings and taking responsibility for them can be a positive example for our adolescents. We can model for our teenagers many positive qualities: honesty, a willingness to take responsibility for our actions, a desire to improve, and an acceptance of self. It may be that in reading this book you have discovered some patterns of relating to your teenager that are counter-productive. You may have found that you can be a better listener or that you have forced your agenda on your teenager. Be gentle with yourself. As we have said, there are no perfect parents and no perfect parent-teen relationships. The important thing is to continue to learn and grow, and make changes that will enable a loving and open relationship with your teenager. After reading this book you may feel that you are doing a pretty good job with your adolescent. You may have already incorporated many of the principles of the 10 gifts into your parenting. Despite some typical parent-teen conflicts, your relationship with your adolescent is more or less harmonious. We are pleased that this book has been a reminder and reinforcement of what you are already doing that works. Expect Occasional Frustration It is helpful to remind yourself that even when you employ the skills discussed in this book, there will be times when you just will not get along with your teenagers. There will be times of conflict, times when you won’t have the patience to listen effectively, times when their know-it-all attitude will drive you crazy. They will rebel, they will fight your decisions, they will push the limits. When you ask a question, they will mumble a reply. When you remind them to do their chore, they will tell you that they will do it later and then will invariably forget. When you want to have a conversation with them, they will have nothing to say. When you ask them to be kind to their siblings, they will harass them mercilessly. When you ask them politely to give their sister a ride to soccer practice, they will give some lame excuse why they can’t do it. They will be thoughtless, selfish, and incorrigible. They will eat you out of house and home, and not give even one thought to the food bill. There will be times when you will be discouraged in your parenting, times when you will feel like a bad parent. At these times, it is encouraging to remind yourself that you are not a failure as a parent. You are a good parent enduring the normal challenges of the teen years. What Kind of Adult Will My Teen Become? The best indication of what kind of adult your teenager is going to become is the way she acts outside the home. Your daughter spends the night at a girlfriend’s house. The girl’s mother tells you the next day: “I loved having Claudia spend the night. She was wonderful. So well behaved. So polite. She even helped with the dishes.” You are dumbfounded. “My daughter? My Claudia? Polite? Well-behaved? Helped with the dishes??? There must be some mistake.” You wonder if maybe they confused your daughter with another Claudia. If you get this kind of feedback about your teenager, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You are doing something right. Claudia may be irritable and uncooperative at home, but her behavior in public indicates that she is learning the lessons that you are teaching and that she is growing into the respectful, responsible adult that you want her to become. A teenager needs to work through his individuation process. If he is doing this at home, it means that he trusts you enough to know that he can be a teenager and that you will still love him. If he is polite and thoughtful and well-mannered in public—at school, at a friend’s house, at family gatherings—then you can be reasonably sure that your teenager is on the right track, that he is making strides in his personal growth. His behavior outside the home is one of the best indications of what kind of adult he will become.
|
|
Click Here. 
|
|||||
 | |||||||||
