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 Parenting 101 - Parenting Advice 10 Best Gifts For Your Teen By Patt and Steve Saso  Role ModelExample, Example, Example The really tough thing about being a parent is that you have to be the sort of person you want your children to become. —Myra Ellen Barbeau Several years ago, we took the kids to Great America amusement park. With my seven-year-old at my side, I approached the ticket window. I studied the significant price difference between an adult and a child’s (age six and under) ticket. When I reached the head of the line, I asked for two adults and three children. The cashier asked, “How old is he?” “Six,” I lied. As we made our way through the entrance, my son turned to me. “Dad, why did you tell that woman that I was six?” I made a half-hearted excuse for my deceitful behavior. “I didn’t want to spend the money for an adult ticket for you. We saved fifteen bucks by buying a child’s ticket. Now we can buy more candy and goodies inside the park. Besides, everybody lies about their kids’ ages. We did it all the time when we were kids.” “Dad,” he said innocently, “it’s wrong to lie.” With childlike simplicity, he cut through all my adult rationalizations. This incident has had a profound impact upon my life and upon the way that I parent my kids. Everything we parents do—every word that we speak, every action that we take—is a part of the larger fabric of what we are teaching our kids. The tenth gift, and perhaps the most profound, is being a role model for our children. Our goal as parents is to model the very behaviors that we want to see in our kids as they grow into adults. The word parent comes from the Latin word parens, which means source. We are the source of our children’s biological being. We are also the source of much of what they know about the world and how they view it. Our challenge is to be the kind of people that we want our sons and daughters to become. If we want our kids to be respectful, then we need to model respect. If we want them to be able to say they were wrong, then we need to model a willingness to admit mistakes. If we want them to be responsible, then we need to model responsible behavior. We have the challenge to be exactly the kind of adults that we want our children to become. Example, Example, Example Albert Schweitzer was asked what advice he would give about being an effective parent. “I can give you three words of advice,” he replied. “The first is ‘example’. The second is ‘example’. And the third is . . . ‘example’.” By our example, we are teaching our kids constantly. As we have mentioned throughout this book, effective parents of teenagers teach by words as well as example. They talk about their values, they share their expectations, and they teach right and wrong. Teaching with words is very important, but it is not enough. When our words and actions are congruent, when what we do matches what we say, we are sending our children a very powerful message. While driving to work one day, I realized that I had forgotten my briefcase. I turned around and headed home. Rounding the corner of the street where we live, my coffee cup tipped, spilling coffee. As I reached down to grab the cup, my eyes left the road. As I looked up my car smashed into the rear end of a parked car. The damaged car was parked in front of a house only three doors down from where we lived. No one witnessed the accident. I drove back to our house. When I went inside, Patt saw from the expression on my face that something was wrong. “What happened? “ she asked. I told her about the accident. I felt terrible. The kids came running into the living room. “What’s wrong, Daddy?” “I ran into a parked car three houses down. I have to go down there and tell them that I was the one who hit their car.” I did not want to take responsibility for the accident. I knew that my insurance would go up. I also knew that it was the right thing to do. Our kids saw this whole discussion. I was modeling the entire time. They were learning from my example. Many times I had told our kids that a person of character takes responsibility for his mistakes. My actions were congruent with my words. It was a powerful lesson.
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