“Don’t you worry about any of these tasks. I’ll do them for you. I’ll always be there to do them for you.”
Think About It
Sometimes, raising responsible kids isn’t so much about what we do, but about what we don’t. By being “too good” of a parent we rob our children of opportunities that help them develop tools for success in adult life—tools that can’t be bought or given, but must be forged by experience. Every task we complete for our children is a task not done by our children.
I can imagine you now shaking your head at this page in protest, asking a valid question: “But my job is to take care of my children! Aren’t these tasks a part of my job?” Read this answer slowly and carefully: No.
Your job is to raise responsible, capable young people who eventually leave your home to build independent lives; your job is to help them develop the skills necessary to do that. So, you should feel good about teaching and transferring some household duties to your children, knowing that this is an essential gift that you’re giving them.
This is a process that should begin early and continue at a regular pace. Introducing important life skills to your kids when they turn eighteen isn’t feasible and might just be impossible. For one, teenagers are busy; they’re eager to get on with life and have little patience to learn mundane skills such as loading the dishwasher. For another, they’ve already developed habits that are hard to break. So, it behooves us to bring our babies into childhood with a constant eye toward what we’re doing for them and weigh it against what they could be doing for themselves.
Having said that, I maintain that it’s perfectly acceptable to choose to cater to your child at times. If your child is sick, of course, you shouldn’t tell him to get out of bed and make his own chicken soup. If your child is unable to complete a task on his own—due to his age or abilities—it’s an act of mercy to help him out. Consideration as a character trait is every bit as essential as independence. The difference in these cases is that you’re offering—your child isn’t expecting.
