Is Remarriage A Step in the Right Direction? By Ron L. Deal, M.MFT. Originally published by Single Parent Family magazine, December, 2000.
Making the Decision to Step Forward
Because stepfamily life presents these and other challenges, it's important to invest in pre-remarital counseling. Be sure to find a Christian therapist or minister who understands stepfamily peculiarities. Unfortunately, this can be very difficult as clergy are just now beginning to wake-up to the needs of stepfamilies, and most counselors don't have much stepfamily training either. If a qualified counselor is not available in your area, purchase a book or attend a seminar for stepfamilies. Make sure you look in every direction before you leap, otherwise you might spend a lot of time wandering around the wilderness.
Stepfamily life is not impossible. Indeed there is a 'Promised Land' of marital fulfillment, family stability, and shared spirituality. But for most stepfamilies finding these rewards requires intentional effort and a keen understanding of how stepfamilies work best. Making the decision to begin the long journey from Egypt to Canaan needs to be an informed one.
After a lot of exploration, Angie and Mike decided that remarriage was workable for their two families. And they were willing to accept the risks. Four years into the marriage the couple reports managing their initial adjustments fairly well. Recently, however, Mike's 15 year old son unexpectedly decided to come live with them. New challenges are now confronting them, but they are seeking help from a local support group.
Shelly has decided to focus her energies on her children. She explained to her boyfriend that she'd like to continue seeing him on a casual basis and hopes that some day they can take the relationship further. But for now, not complicating her single-parent family with a remarriage seems best. His willingness to wait remains to be seen.
Ron L. Deal is Family Life Minister of the Southwest Church of Christ and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with the Better Life Counseling Center, Inc. in Jonesboro, Arkansas. His "Building A Successful Stepfamily" seminar has been featured in the national media and is available to churches nationwide.
(c) Ron L. Deal, "As For Me And My House" Seminars, Jonesboro, AR, 870-932-9254. Web: www.swfamily.org/stepfamily
Ron L. Deal is Family Life Minister for the Southwest Church of Christ (Jonesboro, AR) and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in stepfamily education and therapy. He is author of the book "The Smart Stepfamily" (Bethany House, fall 2002 release) and the home study "Building A Successful Stepfamily" audio seminar (live seminars take place around the country). Visit his web site: www.swfamily.org/stepfamily).
