Expectations About Conflict Another area of expectations has to do with how we handle conflict. As we noted in the last chapter, many of us are afraid of conflict and would just rather not deal with it. Even if we say we will face conflict with our spouse we often have unconscious, gut level responses that make it hard to do what we say we will do. So it's possible that one or both of you, even though you have verbally promised not to avoid conflict, puts off dealing with difficult things with your spouse. If this is happening the tension in your relationship will begin to escalate. It's a paradox that the avoiding of conflict actually increases marital conflict over time.Many people believe that conflict is toxic and dangerous. If you believe this you'll probably try to avoid conflict because you expect it to damage you and the relationship. The most important thing here is for the two of you to examine your beliefs and responses to conflict so that you can resolve conflict more successfully. The most damaging thing you can do is to get into a consistent pattern of avoiding conflict with your spouse.
Expectations Concerning Money and Finance Financial trouble in a marriage can be highly stressful. Marriage and family life involve many financial responsibilities, and each of you brings a set of beliefs about saving and spending money to your marriage. One of you might be a "saver," the other a "spender." One of you might want to make "safe" financial investments while the other wants to take more risks. Money, and the lack of it, has a way of defining our priorities. Chances are that both of you have some differences regarding money and you have both had to compromise. Perhaps each of you has learned something from the other regarding finances and spending. The most important thing is to recognize and discuss your areas of agreement as well as difference.
