When it comes to relationships, fighting is just part of the whole package. A good fight clears the air and makes way for the make-up sex. Fighting comes in many forms when it comes to various types of relationships. For many couples it’s like a game of chess, a quiet battle of psychological warfare, with the long and drawn out contemplation of your next move or strategy to win the latest battle. This tactic is called many things, such as, the silent treatment, cave dwelling, or sulking. On the other hand there are those who just continue to communicate but take it to a higher intensity and volume. This is actually the better of the two because screaming and yelling is still communicating.

Studies have shown that yelling at your mate to let them know how you feel is better than saying nothing at all. It may seem childish or immature but at least you know what the problem is when someone is telling you, even if it is delivered at an elevated volume. There are also rules to fighting a fair fight with your mate. Such as no name calling, don’t bring up the past, don’t go to bed angry and stick to the issue. Sound advice that couples should follow as a guideline when stepping into the relationship ring to verbally duke it out.

What about the non-fight strategy? I am not referring to the silent treatment. The non-fight-fight is more like refusing to partake in a discussion you don’t believe is the real problem or being suckered into an argument when what you are arguing about is not the real issue. Another form of psychological warfare but used as a way to get you into a fight so that the fight becomes the issue and excuse for the behavior. For example, a guy may start a fight with his girlfriend as a way to storm out to “cool off”, but ends up meeting his buddies for a game of poker. Was it planned? Maybe. It’s important to really listen before you react in any conversation, disagreement or argument. Someone may be pushing your buttons because they have an ulterior motive.

A great example of the non-fight-fight is when Laura Munson, a writer for the New York Times, was confronted by her husband and told he didn’t love her any more. Did she fall apart? No. Did she reply in raged after 20+ years of marriage? No. Did she beg him to stay? No. What she did do was give him room and space in his life to figure out his own problems and eventually come to terms with his mid-life crisis. By refusing to be pulled into his bated statement she avoided being sidetracked from her commitment to herself and family.