The Lovegevity blog is a place for community members to discuss anything and everything they can teach and learn about the relationships that brighten our lives.
If you haven't figured it out yet, going green at home, at work, and in your daily routine is more of a responsibility as a habitant of mother earth than a choice. With the staggering statistics to support the green movement, we as a race would be remiss to continue to ignore the warnings.
Combine a steady increase in population with an equally steady decrease in natural resources means our children and grandchildren may not enjoy the same standards of living that we enjoy today.
One of the easiest ways to become more ecologically-responsible is to make better choices in your everyday living.
According to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, "Going Green", is easily summarized by the mantra "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - which means reduce waste, reuse what you can, and recycle what you can't. They suggest taking small steps at first when going green such as recycling and buying recycled goods. That's not only eco-friendly, it's economic.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC),going green can keep you healthier. Changing travel habits such as walking or biking will lower air emissions and help you burn more calories. The CDC also suggests eating differently and avoiding prepackaged foods as production of these foods uses large amounts of material and energy, and are generally unhealthy.
Going green is ultimately about preserving a healthy planet and lifestyle for us and the generations to come. What motivates us to make the effort is the same as what motivates us to get married, start a family, save for college, plan for a wedding, or save for a house.
In light of the continued credit recession, we are now more motivated to save for things we need or want in the future. Saving the environment in which we live should be the first choice in our daily decision making.
Posted By Cho Phillips,
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Having good
communication skills takes practice and is an art of finesse and delivery. It’s
like the packaging on a gift. The gift is the information. The information,
like a gift can be nice or crappy.
Everyone loves a nice gift, so if you have something nice to say people
tend to respond in a positive way. However, if your gift is crappy, you better
spruce up the packaging and make it pretty if you really want the other person
to accept it or the information you want them to hear.
Some things are better left unspoken….but still need to be communicated.
Posted By Cho Phillips,
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Some
things are better left unspoken….but still need to be communicated.
The new age
of communication has given us numerous ways to express ourselves. Let’s see,
there’s FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, Lovegevity;), Ning, Frendster,
GoogleFriends, YouTube, and so
many more its hard to keep up.
When it comes to one-on-one communication there’s Instant Message, MSN,
AIM, Text messaging to our cell phones and of course email.
You would
think with the rapid evolution of technology, we as human beings would also
evolve in our own communication skills. Unfortunately, the divorce rate for new
marriages still hovers at around 50% and second marriages at 75%. It’s about
time we take our love for technology and blend it with our love life. For example, there have been many
times…and I mean MANY, that what is on my mind is too much for someone to
handle if I said it out loud. If my message is blatantly delivered it tends to
create more problems or escalates into an argument.
I have
learned that technology can be a great messenger. Letting someone like your
partner or spouse know how you feel without a face-to-face conversation can
sometimes help to open the door to improve a relationship. I once had an
argument with my spouse that escalated into a screaming match. That usually
gets me nowhere because he is always louder so he can’t here what I am trying
to say. He can only hear
himself…like everyone else on the block. So afterwards, I sat down and sent him
my thoughts in an email. No
interruptions, no quick comebacks, no defensive remarks to throw me off
track. I was able to quietly
collect my thoughts and deliver my point of view. When he received it later in the day while at work, he could
hear my words loud and clear. My message was received and he saw my point of
view. We later made up and
resolved the problem, however, we never even mentioned the email. It was as if
I sent him my thoughts and he read my mind.
Fight, Fight, Fight….But Know What You’re Fighting For.
Posted By Cho Phillips,
Friday, August 14, 2009
When it comes to relationships, fighting is just part of the whole package.A good fight clears the air and makes way for the make-up sex.Fighting comes in many forms when it comes to various types of relationships.For many couples it’s like a game of chess, a quiet battle of psychological warfare, with the long and drawn out contemplation of your next move or strategy to win the latest battle.This tactic is called many things, such as, the silent treatment, cave dwelling, or sulking. On the other hand there are those who just continue to communicate but take it to a higher intensity and volume.This is actually the better of the two because screaming and yellingis still communicating.
Studies have shown that yelling at your mate to let them know how you feel is better than saying nothing at all.It may seem childish or immature but at least you know what the problem is when someone is telling you, even if it is delivered at an elevated volume. There are also rules to fighting a fair fightwith your mate.Such as no name calling, don’t bring up the past, don’t go to bed angry and stick to the issue.Sound advice that couples should follow as a guideline when stepping into the relationship ring to verbally duke it out.
What about the non-fight strategy? I am not referring to the silent treatment.The non-fight-fight is more like refusing to partake in a discussion you don’t believe is the real problem or being suckered into an argument when what you are arguing about is not the real issue. Another form of psychological warfare but used as a way to get you into a fight so that the fight becomes the issue and excuse for the behavior.For example, a guy may start a fight with his girlfriend as a way to storm out to “cool off”, but ends up meeting his buddies for a game of poker. Was it planned? Maybe.It’s important to really listen before you react in any conversation, disagreement or argument.Someone may be pushing your buttons because they have an ulterior motive.
A great example of the non-fight-fightis when Laura Munson, a writer for the New York Times, was confronted by her husband and told he didn’t love her any more.Did she fall apart? No. Did she reply in raged after 20+ years of marriage? No. Did she beg him to stay? No. What she did do was give him room and space in his life to figure out his own problems and eventually come to terms with his mid-life crisis.By refusing to be pulled into his bated statement she avoided being sidetracked from her commitment to herself and family.
Posted By Cho Phillips, Lovegevity Founder,
Friday, August 07, 2009
Learning Your Spouse
Over the years I have shared stories with other women who have gone through a "marriage learning curve". This learning curve is made up of experiences that mold us and help us to grow in our relationships. Many of these stories have a recurring theme of "control", who has it, and who thinks they have it. For example, the thermostat. Who controls THAT?
When you went to pre-marriage classes and set expectations about kids, finances and family holidays, did it include who controls the thermostat? Its funny that we remember to discuss and agree on the big stuff ...but it is the little stuff that can kill a relationship.
My story is about 3 degrees of hot or cold. It was a constant struggle of where to set the temperature. We could not agree, as I was always cold and he was always hot. We constantly would move the thermostat dial whenever the other would leave the house. On return, the battle would begin and tempers would be tested.
Another example from a friend of mine named Monica, was where to put the sponge. On top of the kitchen sink or under the kitchen sink? She wanted it on top for easy access, he wanted it under the sink so he didn't have to look at a dirty sponge. Fights over this sponge became heated arguments that led to days of "The Silent Treatment".
Another girlfriend Liza, explained that her husband felt she could improve her vacuuming technique and he proceeded to demonstrate the proper way to vacuum a home she had been vacuuming for years.
These stories seem silly now; but at the time they were the center of a power struggle and resulted in deep-heated arguments, hurt feelings, and frustration. Thankfully, we have all learned a little bit more about our spouses and don't sweat the small stuff anymore. As for new couples, its a learning curve you need to go through to find that happy place in your marriage.
I believe the newlywed phase is a minimum of 5 years. It takes at least that long to REALLY get to know the one you love and who loves you back.
Posted By Cho Phillips, Lovegevity Founder,
Friday, August 07, 2009
NLP: Communication Education
Ever wonder why some people hit it off and become great friends right from the start? Or why you can’t seem to connect with a new acquaintance and it feels like your conversation is strained. The science behind NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), which dates back to the 1970’s, is gaining new momentum with workshops, books and online classes popping up all over the globe.In one area of NLP a person can study the art of building rapport by learning the four areas in which we all process information. According to Michael J. Losier, author of Law of Connection and Law of Attraction, the four NLP styles are: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Digital. After reading his book, I discovered what I already knew about myself, but more importantly, I learned how to recognize the different styles of the people in my life.His techniques help you to adapt your own style so you can communicate better with others by using the other persons preferred method of receiving information.
For example, a visual person prefers to use words and phrases like; vision, look, see, show me and I’ll see you later. A person who receives information more easily audible would instead say, “I hear what you’re saying, listen, that clicks with me, and I’ll speak with you later.Adapting your conversation to match the comfort level of the person you are communicating with will help build rapport with that person because you are in essence, speaking their language.The person will feel more at ease with you as if you get them, or understand them because you are alike.
This form of communication is applied in many areas of relationships from married couples, dating couples, parents and children, as well as, teachers, students and in business settings.
As we go about our busy lives using technology, like Face Book, Twitter, and Lovegevity, to keep up with family, friends, co-workers, and clients, it’s even more important to have the right techniques and habits to keep your relationships in good rapport.
Posted By Cho Phillips, Lovegevity Founder,
Friday, August 07, 2009
Updated: Friday, August 07, 2009
Money and Marriage
Most married couples have experienced the powerful influence that money has on a relationship. When there's plenty, money helps us to pay our bills, enjoy the extras that life has to offer, and lowers our stress about making ends meet. But when money is tight and our bills exceed our income it often becomes a situation that can rip families apart.
In our current economy of layoffs, unemployment, and bankruptcy many families are struggling financially and finding their commitments to each other strained in the process. Unfortunately for too many, the struggle over money can drain energy from a loving relationship and breed resentment, frustration, and stress. Over time this situation becomes unbearable to the point that couples separate first emotionally and eventually physically.
Whether you have money or not is a temporary situation. Money comes and goes because that is its purpose; to be use for things that we need or enjoy. Money can be replaced. The time we waste arguing and stressing over money and ruining our relationships can never be replaced.
We can find ways to make more money when we have lost it, but we can never make more time when we've wasted it.
When finances are tight, families need to strengthen their commitments to each other to help get through the lean times. As we work through this temporary situation, we should strive to keep our families and loving relationships intact and not allow them to fall victim to an unstable economy or misplaced priorities.
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