The other day a friend expressed deep sadness. She shared with me that Valentine's Day is the only day her husband remembers to give her a card and flowers —The rest of the year she receives nothing.
I was deeply saddened. It occurred to me this annual event might be the only day they celebrate their love. And it struck me this may be true for other couples as well.
Jim and I have experienced many stages of marriage. Our first years were pure wedded bliss; everyday was a honeymoon. Then reality set in. We soon discovered it was hard work to keep romance alive, especially after our children arrived. Lack of time for each other seemed to be our biggest obstacle. We both felt romance should be automatic and spontaneous, except that wasn't reality for us. As unromantic as it sounds, we've found that romance requires planning and a constant, compassionate focus on each other.
I love my husband today with more passion and depth than the day we were married. I love his heart for romance in our marriage. Most importantly, he makes me feel cherished.
Here's what works for us...
Scheduling and Intentionality
I know Jim often enters reminders on his PalmPilot so he remembers important dates or needs prompting to send me flowers. I appreciate that he makes that effort, even though to him, this lacks the spontaneity he sometimes desires. For myself, I have to plan things out weeks and weeks in advance. The anticipation of surprising him is worth every moment of planning.
Words and Touch
Do you tell your spouse you love them everyday? In the midst of your busy schedules, do you kiss each other when you leave the house in the morning? Do you embrace when you come in the door at night? Physical touch and simple, loving words connect us; it reminds us we are important to each other.
