How to Be The Almost Perfect Wife

Valentine's Day Everyday

3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid

Every Day I Love You More
(Just Not Today)

Getting Men to Communicate

What is Romantic Love Anyway?

Remembering How Special Your Relationship Is

Ten Tips to Maintain Your Bridal Figure Long After the Wedding

Divorce is Not the Answer

Divorce Creates More Problems

Love The One You're With

Being Single Again Isn't All That It's Cracked Up to Be

"If It Weren't For You, I'd Be Happy"

Why Men Leave

Ann was thoroughly convinced that her marriage of fifteen years was over. She believed she had tried everything humanly possible to straighten things out between her and Steve. Nothing ever worked. The more she tried reasoning with him, the more unreasonable he became. Appealing to his sensitivity only brought out his insensitivity.

Years ago when their problems began, Ann thought, "This is just a stage we're going through." But now she knew she was just fooling herself. She sadly admitted that their marriage had gotten progressively worse, not better.

Desperate for some answers, Ann reflected on what went wrong. Though things were never perfect, she thought the birth of Melissa, their oldest child, marked a turning point in their marriage. Initially, both Steve and Ann were ecstatic about their new baby, but their mutual joy was short-lived.

Now, five years later, Ann and Steve appear more like roommates: separate bedrooms, few shared activities and, when not fighting, verbal exchanges limited to "Pass the salt." Ann finally realized that her marriage to Steve had reached life or death proportions. If she stayed unhappily married to Steve, she would die a slow and torturous death; if she divorced, she might live.

Ann's story is all too familiar. When problem-solving efforts prove ineffective, divorce seems the only solution.

Early in my career, Ann's pessimism would have convinced me that her marriage was irreparable and that it was time for her to take care of her needs. I would have furnished her with further evidence that, regardless of what she might do, Steve was unlikely to change. We would have rehearsed how she might break the news to her children.

But those days are gone. Now I do whatever I can to help people find solutions to their marital problems so that they can stay together. I do not get sidetracked by pessimism and hopelessness as I did in days past. Now I know that hopelessness is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. It is natural for people to feel pessimistic when, day after day, month after month, nothing improves, and problems never get resolved. Feelings of pain and rejection are always present. But now I am convinced that pessimism and hopelessness are feelings based on past performances; feelings that are changeable, feelings worth changing. People can and should stay together and work out their differences.

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