This way of thinking is reaching out beyond the academy, increasingly influencing family law in the United States and Canada. Four leading relationship scholars suggest that legal theorists and professionals expand the definition of family to include all "close relationships." The American Law Institute recently did just that, reports Cere, proposing model legislation that offers many of the benefits of marriage to couples who live together. The Canadian Bar Association has just published a lengthy report "Recognizing and Supporting Close Personal Relationships Between Adults" which argues the law should no longer give special recognition to marriage but instead "should recognize and support" all significant adult close relationships so long as they are "neither dysfunctional nor harmful."

In short, the experts' story of courtship both reflects and reinforces some of the more distressing trends in contemporary culture. Because they focus on individuals and their choices, all three schools of courtship ignore the social and institutional dimensions of marriage, which is not just a lifestyle, but a universal human institution connecting mothers, fathers and children in a close family, not just personal, bond.

Consequently, these expert narratives shed little light on key questions, such as: how do young people negotiate through dating, romance, relationships and sex to successful marriage under contemporary conditions? How can family, faith communities, friends and society help the next generation make happier, healthier marriages?

As Cere concludes: "Marriage is not just an inferior version of going steady, or a sexual barter, or a consumer good. Love is more than a style. Courtship is more than coupling. Illuminating these distinctions will require scientific models that begin, above all, with curiosity about what marriage is."

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