Rebuilding and Repairing Damage to Trust
By Drs. Evelyn and Paul Moschetta
The damaged trust caused by an affair can be repaired but only if the offending partner makes fixing it his or her #1 priority. He or she must demonstrate consistently in clear ways they can be trustworthy. They must prove to their partner that it is safe for them to reinvest their love in a badly battered marriage. This is perhaps the most crucial phase. Any doubt about one’s being completely trust worthy will be disastrous.
While being unfaithful is by no means limited to men, many more husbands commit adultery. So let’s take the example of a husband. How does he go about promising he can be once again worthy of trust? He makes sure that his wife knows where he is at all times and how she can reach him at any time. He lets here know his agenda each day. If he drives a delivery truck he’ll make it clear what stops he has to make and who he’ll see and talk with at each place. He will call in during the day to make contact, express interest and concern and show his wife he’s thinking of her and their relationship.
If he is an executive or a business owner he’ll do the same thing. (Was the affair with his secretary? If so, she’ll have to go.) He’ll make his schedule for the day known. If he has meetings out of the office he’ll say where, when and how he can be reached. He’ll keep his cell phone always on. Telephone bills from his car phone will voluntarily be shown to his wife, making it clear he has nothing to hide.
Whenever events lead to his coming home later than expected he will call ahead. This should be the exception however, since all efforts are going to demonstrate that he is reliable and dependable. The husband out to reestablish that his trustworthiness will always be on the lookout for any sign if doubt that crosses his wife’s mind. He’ll move quickly to clarify, explain and resolve any issue she is uneasy about. And he’ll do all this without being annoyed at having to make the effort.
|