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Holiday 911

God Knows Marriage Isn't Always Easy

Courage to Love...When Your Marriage Hurts

How to Stay Married Without Going Crazy

Why Infidelity Happens

A Prayer of Thanksgiving

15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!

What Makes Marriage Work?

Making Marriage Work.

Ten Great Dates to Revitalize Your Marriage

52 Dates For You & Your Mate: Three Wishes Date

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Divorce Hurts Children Of All Ages

Couples Don't Divorce, Families Divorce

For The Sake of The Kids

Is Divorce All Bad?

Loving someone hurts terribly when they cheat on you. The betrayal is heart breaking. With it comes a degree of outrage and anger that can be overwhelming. It is fro this low point that efforts to rebuild and repair a marriage begin. The partner who has broken the trust must allow the other to express their hurt and anger. It is difficult to be with pain that you have caused without trying to make it go away. Often no excuses or explanations, they will not be heard and only serve to fuel more anger. Being with your partner emotionally, feeling their pain as if it were your pain is essential. And while the hurt partner must get their feelings out being, being verbally abusive or physically violent is never allowed.

A person whose trust has been broken will have a tremendous need to make some sense as to why it happened. Understanding why helps a person get a grip on a reality they first find unbelievable and intolerable. This is a second phase of the rebuilding work, coming after deep sensing of the other’s hurt has taken place and a heartfelt apology given. In order to understand why the spouse who has broken the trust must look within and find out what motivated their behavior. This usually leads to a careful review of the marriage. Each partner must be able to see and feel what the marriage was like, on a day today basis, for the other person. Very often partners see their relationship very differently and these differences are the weak links in a marriage because they are not getting talked about and worked through to a good resolution.

During this second phase of “understanding why” the cheated upon spouse will fall back into the despair of being betrayed and the rage of being rejected. These “flash backs” of intense feelings are to be expected. Just when they appear to have passed they will pop up unexpectedly. Once again the other will have to be patient, listen and show empathy and understanding.