Conflict is your friend. There are differences in every
relationship - what makes or breaks a marriage is how partners choose
to resolve those conflicts. Ignoring them is not the solution. That
would be like ignoring cancer in the hope that it will go away by
itself. Actually when conflicts are resolved successfully, the
relationship can move to an even higher level of stability and
intimacy. Use the following tips to resolve conflicts in your
marriage.
Listen with empathy. Empathy is your ability to see things from
your partner's perspective. Listen to your partner and tune in to
his/her feelings. Whatever your partner is feeling "makes sense"
from his or her perspective. When you start to "get it", you will
know not only what your partner is feeling - you will also understand
why. You are ready for the next step.
Respond with empathy. Tell your partner what you think he/she is
feeling based on what you've heard. For example, your partner tells
you about frustration at your lack of support. However you sense not
just frustration, but anger as well. So you respond, "You're
frustrated about my not being there for you, and this makes you
really angry, too." If you didn't get it right, your partner will
tell you and you can correct your response.
Make it sweet. Nobody likes to be scolded. So to avoid
provoking a "fight or flight" reaction from your mate, always include
the positive. Angry because your mate is not spending enough time
with you? The reason you're so angry is because you care so much
about your partner and your relationship. Express those feelings of
love as strongly as you can! That sweetness will make what follows a
lot easier to swallow.
