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 daily temperature reading(DTR) with appreciation to Virginia Satir Complaint with Request for Change. There will always be some differences in your relationships with others, although that doesn't mean you'll always have complaints. The key to a passionate, lasting partnership with your mate or a successful team effort at work is not avoiding or hiding differences and disagreements, it's about dealing with them. Complaints should not be blaming, accusatory or judgmental. And they should never come without a request for what you want to be different. In this segment of the DTR, you have an important opportunity to confide in a significant other about something that is bothering you along with your specific, unambiguous request for what you want instead. Complaining without making a specific request for change is not allowed. That can too often become persistent nagging, belittling or trying to control another person, which is not a gift to any relationship. The next time you have a complaint, try sharing it as part of the DTR in this format: "When you _______________, I feel _______________, and what I'd like instead is _____________." Instead of thinking of a complaint in a negative way, consider the complaint with request for change to be about providing information. Romance may thrive on mystery, but intimacy doesn't. What is a complaint with request for change you'd like to share with your mate or another significant person in your life? How could communicating about this with your partner strengthen your relationship? Wishes, Hopes, Dreams. If your expectations are different from mine, it doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong. It just means we are different and in being different we sometimes have different expectations. The more we can bring our expectations into awareness and talk about them, the more possibility there is that we will reach accord. And the more we share our dreams with those who are significant in our lives, the closer we'll become and the more likely it is our hopes may one day become reality. If we have rules that say we shouldn't let ourselves know what we're thinking, feeling or wanting, much less let others know, then it's almost impossible to work out a comfortable, close relationship. Our hopes and dreams are integral, vital parts of who and what we are. If we don't share them with our partner (as information, not demands or complaints), we are depriving them of an important part of ourselves. What wishes, hopes or dreams do you have for today? this weekend? next vacation? this lifetime? Which are you ready to share with your partner or a significant other? What about wishes, hopes or dreams for what you're tackling at work or in the community? PAIRS Daily Temperature Reading is a nourishing way of keeping each other informed. Low self-esteem may at times cause you to feel less eager to do it, less likely to take the risk of openly confiding with your partner. Ask yourself what is going on if you fail to do it. Whether it's once a day, every other day or once a week, make a commitment to incorporate the DTR into your significant relationships. It may feel awkward at first, although no more so than learning any new exercise. Remember when you first learned to serve a tennis ball, or place your hands correctly on a keyboard, or master a new aerobic move? Before long, it will be second nature. The rewards will last a lifetime... a lifetime of lovegevity! Click here to go to the exercise page and write a DTR for yourself or a significant other.
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