 |  |
 Marriage 101 - Expert Advice
Courage to Love…When Your Marriage HurtsBy Gerald Foley  "Who Supports This Couple in Marriage?"Another obstacle to finding support is that couples themselves often think it is no one else's business whether they marry, how they live their marriage, and whether they stay married or not. Yet, many people, including children, families of origin, neighbors, and employers are affected by the way a couple lives their marriage and by their marital breakup. Family problems and the breakup of marriages rank as the highest cost to employers and the most expensive social problem of our day. Sometimes couples find it too difficult to talk about their problems. When their relationship is in shambles they pretend everything is fine until one person moves out and they can't hide the truth anymore. They hide the reality of a hurting marriage and keep at a distance from those around them because they want to belong and fear rejection. "Traditionally," says Joan Hoxsey, a family life director, "couples don't talk about the intimate details of their marriage with anybody, sometimes not even with each other, but especially not with other folks. They can talk about things like the house or the car, but not about values sand issues of friendship. Couples need the support of other couples to know that what they are going through is probably not too different from the experience of others in general." Studies show that couples who have a strong support system have a better than average rate of survival in marriage. They turn to relatives, friends, groups, and community as valuable supports in dealing with stress. Couples friendly with seven or eight couples strongly committed to marriage have a much better chance of marital success. Structured support groups provide a network of friends that can supplement or make up for the absence of an extended family. Particularly in a mobile society like ours, couples may live hundreds or even thousands of miles from their extended families. Sometimes when couples are trying to make a decision about such issues as children or handling conflict, getting input from other couples can give them much-needed insight and objectivity. The greatest source of support often comes from other couples who may or may not realize the great ministry they're performing. When I asked Ken and Vicki to get involved in ministry to the engaged, Ken said, " don't know why you're asking us. I don't think we are different from other couples. If it hadn't been for my sister and her husband, we would never have made it thought our first year of marriage." "What did they do your you?" I asked. "Every time we were hurting or in trouble, they would get together with us to talk." From Courage to Love…When Your Marriage Hurts by Gerald Foley. Copyright (c) 1992/2000 by SORIN BOOKS, an imprint of Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, IN, 1-800-282-1865. Used by permission.
|
|
Click Here. 
|
|||||
 | |||||||||
