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How to Have a World Class Marriage By Patty Howell and Ralph Jones Part One: The 14 Pillars of a World Class Marriage A key ingredient of a World Class Marriage is having Agreed-upon Goals. Agreed-upon Goals are not necessarily the same as Common Goals. Since you and your partner are separate people with your own intrinsic needs and goals, it is unrealistic to expect all of them to be “common.” The concept of Agreed-upon Goals handles both common and separate ones. Of course you agree on the common goals, and common goals are bonds that strengthen any relationship. But what about a goal desired by only one partner? This becomes an Agreed-upon Goal if the other partner says, “Go for it! It’s not for me, but I’ll support you in your pursuit.” One partner may realize that she has always dreamed of piloting an airplane, and decides she’d like to learn how to fly. He has no interest in flying, but agrees to support her goal by agreeing to the necessary budget provisions, accepting the time it takes her, encouraging her studies, and cheerleading her growing skill in the cockpit. This couple has an Agreed-upon Goal. Mark, a computer technician, had always wanted to become a history teacher. After much soul searching and long discussions between Mark and Jill, they agreed that she would continue working while he went back to school to turn his history minor into a major so he can teach history at the secondary level. This was Mark’s goal, agreed upon by Jill, who will support him every step of the way, and Jill gets to feel included and important to her partner’s success. Whatever hardships they may experience on the way to this goal, they get to experience the pleasures of knowing that they are doing this together. Areas ripe for Agreed-upon Goals (as well as goals in common) include joint agreements about the use of money and time, career aspirations, child rearing, health and nutrition, volunteer activities, hobbies, vacation, retirement, and personal growth. Developing Agree-upon Goals is an important way to develop bonds of closeness together, as well as giving direction and meaning to your lives. To know that your partner is in agreement about something important to you makes you feel deeply cared about and supported as you pursue your goal. And supporting your partner in reaching a goal that will bring her or him satisfaction nurtures your own self-esteem. Both partners benefit from Agreed-upon Goals, which become basic building blocks of a World Class Marriage.
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