What is Romantic Love Anyway?
By Beverly Rodgers MS, LMFT and Tom Rodgers MA, MHDL

What Is Romantic Love Anyway?

As marriage counselors who work with a great many hurting couples on a daily basis, we are surprised at how little engaged couples think about the marriage. They get so busy buying the dress, renting the tuxedos, designing the cake, preparing the ceremony that often times the marriage relationship gets put on the back burner. Sometimes just mentioning pre-marital counseling to the blissful bride- and groom-to-be elicits a somewhat dumbstruck response. "But we’re so happy," they say as they look affirmably into each other’s eyes. "How could anything go wrong?" At that point our realism kicks in and we want to say, "Just give it time, sister, something will go wrong." It will go wrong because that blissful feeling won’t last forever.

Neurobiologists have found that there is a chemical released in the brain when a couple falls in love. This chemical is called phenylethlamine and it functions in the body much like an amphetamine thus explaining the superhuman feelings of a couple who is falling in love. They often make statements like "I feel like I can walk on air", "I don’t need to eat", "The grass is greener", and "The sky is bluer." Since phenylethlamine is released in the presence of your partner, you want to spend every waking moment with him and most couples do just that. Amazingly enough during this stage of their relationship, they never seem to tire of one another.

But unfortunately there is a villain in this fairy tale. Phenylethlamine highs cannot last. As with any chemical your body builds up a tolerance to it and the body requires more and more of the substance to acquire love’s special spark. Neurobiologists say it takes about four years for the chemical to fade, to run its course. Once the chemical is gone, the couple is faced with the difficult challenge of doing love with their own basic brain chemistry. This can create quite a struggle for many married couples.