What is Romantic Love Anyway?
By Beverly Rodgers MS, LMFT and Tom Rodgers MA, MHDL

More What Is Romantic Love Anyway? (Cont.)

Now that we as therapists know this information, we can warn young lovers that their relationship will be tested. This is where those couples who have had pre-marital counseling seem to shine. Statistically, those couples weather the storms of the first year of marriage better than couples who did not participate in pre-marital counseling. And with the 57% divorce rate in this nation, we think pre-marital counseling is a good idea for every couple.

Proverbs says that there is wisdom in many counselors. There are a great many pre-marital programs available through pastors, lay ministers, singles sponsors, or trained relationship therapists. Our program is just one of many. A fresh, objective perspective can be very effective in giving you guidance. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what happens in pre-marital counseling, let us familiarize you.

A good pre-marital counseling program will acquaint couples with the six areas that couples conflict about which often lead to divorce. In therapy we call these toxic subjects because it can become toxic for couples to discuss them. These issues are money/finances, sex, in-laws, child rearing, roles (delegation of responsibilities and jobs in managing the home), and religion/spiritual leadership. In counseling couples are given ample time to discuss these issues thereby aiding conflicts that might ensue. Many young lovers come back to us in the first year of marriage and thank us for helping them develop a plan to handle the problems they naively thought wouldn’t occur.

Another key to a successful marriage is healthy conflict resolution. Pre-marital counseling will help couples develop their conflict-resolution style. We have our own inventory we give couples that we have included at the end of this article.

Relationship researchers have determined that there are certain conflict-resolution styles that can lead to divorce. These are stonewalling (withdrawal), defensiveness, criticism, and contempt. Pre-marital counseling can help couples find these marital parasites early.