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The Second Half of Marriage

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Marriage 101 - Collective Guidance
Love Without End
By Brooke Espinoza

MAGNIFY YOUR SPOUSE’S POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS

I never looked forward to picture day at school as I entered my teen years and the humiliating world of acne. I didn’t have severe acne, but just enough not to want it photographed to be remembered for all time.

I didn’t like picture day because the camera didn’t lie. It declared my positive features to the same degree that it declared my negative features. I remember one year, when picture day was looming. Make-up could only help me so much. To my amazement, I noticed on the order form a new service called “retouching.” When I learned that it deleted the flaws from my picture, only to emphasize my good features, I was thrilled! “Picture day, here I come!” was my new attitude.

Just like the retouching process emphasized my good qualities leaving my undesirable qualities to be forgotten, so we are to lovingly emphasize our mate’s desirable characteristics and diminish his or her unattractive characteristics. I’m not saying to pretend our spouse is perfect and paint him more than what he really is. That could spark pride in our mate. Instead, I’m saying, we need to learn to overlook offenses, learn to focus on the positive aspects, and build up the attractive qualities of our mate. This came natural to my husband and me, when we were dating (as I’m sure it did with you and your spouse). May it come natural again and may we not lose it ever.

If we don’t focus solely on the positive aspects of our mate, we can’t help but see the annoying, frustrating aspects of our mate. The more we see those negative qualities, the more we burn in our memories those negative qualities, and the more we are prone to becoming bitter because they are in the forefront of or minds.

Instead of tearing down our mate by keeping a memory log of our spouse’s offenses, concentrate on the positive traits of your spouse and learn to build him or her up by making an effort to emphasize the wonderful qualities and abilities that he or she brings to the marriage. Appreciate them for who they are and forgive and forget those qualities in your spouse that are unattractive to you. Whatever you do, don’t wait until it’s too late to relish all the wonderful things you love about your mate. Let them know right now you treasure those things about them.

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