Wedding Vows: Beyond Love, Honor and Cherish
By Susan Lee Smith

Part I
THE BASICS
Introduction

You (or someone you love) are getting married. Over two million weddings are held each year in the United States. Remarkably, no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences—the formality of attire, the kind of flowers, the size of the guest list, the flavor of frosting on the cake—each and every one of those weddings is guaranteed to include one element: a ceremony that unites the couple as husband and wife.

In most cases, once an engagement is announced, the planning goes into high gear. The bride searches for the perfect gown. Decisions about invitations, flowers, tuxedos, caterers, and countless other elements must be made. China patterns are weighed against one another, and planning begins for the perfect romantic honeymoon.

In the frenzy of planning wedding events, the ceremony itself—the ritual that joins the bride and groom together—can be overlooked. Yet no part of the day is likely to be more personally meaningful to the couple or more moving to their guests. Ultimately, the ceremony, that exchange of vows, is the very heart and soul of the wedding celebration.

And in an era when interfaith and intercultural marriages are more common than ever before in human history, the ceremony can be a source of anxiety, concern, and even conflict. Making decisions about the ceremony forces a couple to take a position with regard to such important issues as religion, family, history, heritage, duty, honor, and the very essence of their commitment to one another. A couple's decision to have or not have a religious ceremony, to include or not include vows of obedience and fidelity, even the decision about who, if anyone, "gives away" the bride—all these and dozens more can become points of conflict and controversy between the couple and within their families.

For many couples, the right choice is a ceremony that features the exchange of personal vows—either as the sole vows of the ceremony or in addition to more traditional vows. Deciding to write your own vows is relatively easy; but for most couples, actually writing them is tough. Even the most expressive person can end up with a classic case of "writer's block" when faced with finding the right words to express his or her love for a future spouse. Knowing that you will proclaim these vows in front of your closest family and friends usually makes it even more daunting.

It is my hope that this book will help you learn about the possibilities, evaluate the options, make meaningful choices, negotiate past conflicts, quell your own fears, and get what you want—a wonderful wedding ceremony, one that's exactly right for you. I hope it will inspire you to see beyond the "show" of the wedding celebration and focus carefully for a few moments, on what it means to articulate your commitment to one another. I hope the information and advice contained herein will help you get past any anxiety you might have about putting pen to paper and expressing the depth of your feelings for and commitment to your intended. And I hope that the vows you exchange on your wedding day will help guide you each and every day thereafter toward building a great marriage—one filled with comfort, joy, laughter, and, most of all, love.