The Everything Wedding Book
By Janet Anastasio, Michelle Bevilacqua and Stephanie Peters

For Love or Money

You say money is no object when it comes to your wedding? You say you’re one of the very few (and very lucky) people who have an unlimited supply of funds just waiting to be spent on the wedding of a lifetime? Great! Skip this chapter. Go all out and make your wedding an extravaganza filled with all you’ve ever dreamed of.

If you’re like most people these days, though, you’ll need to set up a budget. If money is especially tight, it’s best to prioritize so that your wedding can have the things that are most important to you. But how to begin?

First, decide on the type of wedding you want. Your job will be to try to construct a budget based on that, using the sources available. Perhaps you and your fiancé don’t even want a “big” formal (or semiformal) wedding. You may both shy away from frills and thrills, preferring to avoid much of the headaches and expense by holding a small, simple affair. If this is how you want to go, there are plenty of options: a backyard wedding, a wedding in a home, a civil ceremony—it’s up to the two of you. Budgeting such a wedding should be a fairly simple affair.

You may decide, though, that you want as much of the grand, traditional wedding that your budget will allow—in which case planning expenses becomes particularly important. You’ll want to make every dollar go as far as it possibly can.

After you decide on the type of wedding you’d like to have, you’ll need to figure out exactly how you’re going to afford it. The amounts you allocate yourself will help you determine the number of guests you can invite, the location of your reception, the food you will serve, the number of photographs you will have taken, the flowers on display, and many other elements of the celebration.

There are two ways of going about setting a budget. One is to determine what amount of money all of the parties involved—bride, groom, bride’s parents, groom’s parents can and/or will contribute. Perhaps your parents have anticipated your eventual nuptials and have set aside a lump sum for this use. If you’re lucky, this sum plus anything you plan to add will equal the amount you eventually spend.

However, you may find you’re more comfortable—and will get a better response—if you can discuss the wedding you want with a realistic picture of what it could cost in hand. If so, you and your fiancé should come up with approximate dollar amounts for each item in your wedding budget before you approach your parents.

If you choose this second option, you’ll need to do your homework. The worksheet provided at the end of this book gives you line items found in a typical wedding budget. But how to start filling it in? If you have friends who recently got married, don’t be shy about asking them how much they paid for what. Most newlyweds are happy to pass on the wisdom they gained from going through the wedding planning experience themselves. Though your figures may differ from theirs in the end—you may want to spend more on photography than they did, or decide to have a DJ instead of a band—at least you’ll have a preliminary figure to plug into the worksheet.

Once you’ve consulted your friends, pick up the phone. Call a variety of reception sites and caterers and ask for their wedding menus to get an idea of how much per person charges can run. Be sure to ask for any additional fees you may be charged (rental fees, set-up fees, gratuity, corkage, or cake-cutting fees). Do the same with photographers, limousine services, videographers, and any other service you might want. Once you have the paperwork in hand, you can insert cost ranges into the budget to give you a “cheapest to costliest” scenario, or find the average price of each item for an overall approximate picture. Then it’s off to the parents to ask the big money question . . .

It is customary for the bride’s family to bear the majority of the wedding expenses . . . but circumstances can dictate other arrangements. These days it is not uncommon for the bride and groom to bear the brunt of the wedding expenses themselves. While the idea of paying for your own wedding may take you aback (especially if you’ve started finding out how much things can cost!), keep in mind that your opinions might have more weight if you are the one writing the check. Of course, the same holds true if you do accept contributions from your parents; if you’re spending their money, you’ll want to carefully consider all their suggestions.