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Engagement 101 - Special Features Before ‘I Do’: Preparing For The Sacrament Of Marriage
By Anthony Garascia
The Gifts We Give
 Another exciting thing about getting married is the many gifts that a couple receives. While many of these gifts are material in nature, others may be gifts of time, caring, or presence. Over time some of these gifts will come to symbolize your marriage commitment.
One couple remembers the gift of an earthenware bowl that was made in the Southwest. Throughout the years that bowl was used for many different dishes and sustained numerous falls and breaks. Each time the break was repaired with a strong bonding glue. In time it became a symbol of the couple’s own marriage and its ability to sustain the various blows to its structure that are a normal part of a marriage.
As you prepare for marriage it is important to affirm that you are a gift to your spouse-to-be, just as Christ gave himself to the world. And while you will give each other many material gifts over the course of your marriage, the most important gifts are the intangible ones that often go unnamed.
Take a few moments to identify the most important gifts that you give each other. There are twelve gifts listed below. Prioritize the gifts in order of importance, placing a “1” next to the most important gift and so on down the list. Be sure to list any other gifts that you consider a high priority as you begin your marriage.
As we begin our married life I give you the gift of . . .
- ___Admiring you
- ___Validating your feelings
- ___Being there for you
- ___Listening to you
- ___Spending time with you
- ___Being honest with you
- ___Touching you tenderly,
- ___Holding you
- ___Believing what you say
- ___Encouraging you
- ___Making passionate love to you
- ___Telling you when I am hurt
- ___Being open to change
- ___Throughout our marriage
- ___Other:
What Is Intimacy?
With the above description of intimacy in mind, take some time to do the exercise below and the questions that follow. What do you need or expect from an intimate and nurturing relationship? (List in order of priority, with “1” being most important.)
- ___Praise
- ___Feedback
- ___Friendship
- ___Challenge
- ___Attention
- ___Company
- ___Time for Solitude
- ___Affection
- ___Sharing of Hurt
- ___Sharing of Anger
- ___Sharing of Interests
- ___Commitment
- ___Trust
- ___Other: (please list)
Place an E for “easy” or D for “difficult” next to each word to indicate whether it is easy or difficult for you to give the following to your partner when he or she is upset or hassled.
- ___Praise
- ___Feedback
- ___Friendship
- ___Challenge
- ___Attention
- ___Company
- ___Time for Solitude
- ___Affection
- ___Sharing of Hurt
- ___Sharing of Anger
- ___Sharing of Interests
- ___Commitment
- ___Trust
- ___Other: (please list)
Getting in Touch With Your Conflict Style
Take some time to respond to the following statements and questions. They are designed to assist you in understanding your and your fiancé’s approach to conflict.
When there is conflict between us, my fiancé’s first tendency is to (check those that apply):
- ____avoid the whole issue
- ____become quiet and withdrawn
- ____become angry
- ____become aggressive
- ____try to soothe things
- ____overcriticize
- ____ respond with humor
- ____ become defensive
- ____give advice
- ____get cynical
- ____ respond with sarcasm
- ____raise his or her voice or yell
- ____ try to listen
- ____ Other: (please describe)
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