A distressed woman pulled me aside after a speaking engagement for singles.
“I’m Christy, and I need your help,” she announced.
“What seems to be the problem?” I asked.
“I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Steve for a year, but now I’m convinced we’re not right for each other.”
I asked how she’d come to that conclusion.
“Lately, all kinds of things have started coming up. Like, Steve is really bad at managing his money. Last month, he lost three hundred dollars betting on football, and then he had to borrow the money from me to cover his rent. Things like that are always happening.”
“You’re right—if that’s a pattern, it could be trouble,” I said. “Anything else?”
“Oh, all kinds of things. Steve loves to talk about himself, but he never asks about me—my job or friends or anything. It’s like our relationship is totally focused on him. I need someone who shows at least a little interest in me.”
“You say you’ve been dating for a year?” I asked. “Did you notice these things before?”
“I guess I wasn’t really looking for them. But as time went on, I’ve seen how incompatible we are. And I have to admit, it seems like I’ve wasted a year when I could have been dating other people or pursuing other goals.”
Christy’s dilemma is a common one. I’ve talked with hundreds of single men and women who stick with dead-end relationships month after month even though it’s clear the couple is ill-suited. By persisting with a relationship that’s going nowhere, they waste valuable time, fan false expectations, and create unnecessary heartache and hurt.
The truth is, millions of American singles would love to get married—but only if they could live happily and forever with their partner. The vast majority of single men and women, however, are fed up with the dating game. The whole frustrating, exhilarating, maddening, crazy process leaves them feeling confused, baffled, and hopeless.
