A few months ago, I was talking with a couple of my staff members, Audrey and Mike, who are both in their late twenties. I posed the question, “How many people in the world do you think you could be happily married to?”
Audrey thought for a moment and then replied, “Five. I think there are about five men out there who match exceptionally well with me.”
I couldn’t resist giving her a good-natured jab. “There are approximately 40 million single men in the U.S., and you could be happily married to just five of them? Wow, you are particular!”
She gave me a punch in the shoulder, and I turned to Mike. “Well, then, how about you, Mike? How many people could you be happily married to?”
“Fifty,” he said immediately. “I bet I could marry any one of fifty different women and be extremely happy.”
They both looked at me and I said, “I think you’re both selling yourselves short. I suppose there are five hundred--probably more--women with whom I could be extremely happily married.”
“That many, Neil?” Audrey said. “Seems like you aren’t particular enough.”
I reminded them of the study we conducted. “Out of all the women in the world, there must be at least five hundred with whom I would match on all twenty-nine items. And there are probably thousands more I’d match with on, say, twenty-six or twenty-seven items and still be quite satisfied.”
As I told my associates, I believe soul mates are made, not born. You start with the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship, then you work to develop closeness and intimacy. Does this mean you lower your standards when it comes to finding a partner? Absolutely not! It simply means you “expand your field of vision.”
Dr. Warren has developed an online matching service for single people of all ages who want to develop healthy, satisfying relationships. Far more than a “dating service,” this program is based on thirty years of relationship research, personality profiles, and an innovative matching engine. Log on to eharmony.com to learn more.
