Dating and the Pursuit of Happiness
INTRODUCTION: Loving Yourself into a Relationship
by Dolah Saleh Change is stressful, even if it is good change, and it can wreak havoc in our lives if we allow it. It is always about recognition first and then choosing to respond in a way that brings something positive in our lives. In other words, we can choose to be victimized by someone telling us we no longer have our jobs, or when someone with whom we are involved says goodbye, or we can accept it as another experience from which we learn and grow. Allowing it to lower our self-esteem is a choice we have, but it is not the one in our own best interest.
As it turns out, looking for a date is a lot like looking for a job. This is true whether we are brand new at conducting the search or find ourselves unwittingly out there, once again on the “open market,” due to some change in our status. We may have been downsized or somehow terminated from jobs we thought we would have for a long time. In dating, it is called a breakup of our last relationship, perhaps a marriage. The experiences are similar because they both cause us to go through a certain process of readjustment, evaluation and finally taking action. Whether we have lost a job or lost a love, there are particular things that we will want to do in order to achieve the objective of a new job or a new relationship.
We usually do not think of how or why we are attracted to certain people until we have experienced failure in our romantic associations. In chapter three, I discuss attraction theories and how to move past attractions that have a negative impact on your life. Since our attractions involve personality, chapter four includes an opportunity to evaluate your personality and identify your unique needs and how a mate may provide some balance in temperament.
Life is full of changes, both planned and unexpected. Chapter six, “Life Changes,” addresses the life changing events of divorce, being a single parent, the death of a spouse and dating as we enter our 50s, 60s and beyond. Of course, dating is not age specific, it transcends all ages, and so we have attempted to update our information to include individuals in age groups beyond 50 and 60, which include thousands of people from divorcees to widows and widowers. The interest in a relationship is inherent, as man is a social animal; it has been proven that there exists a positive correlation between longevity and social interactions. Having been out in the dating world for some time does not quench the thirst for information about relationships. Nor is it contingent upon age or confidence or even a history of success in relationships. A golfer may have been golfing for 40 years but that does not necessarily mean that he couldn't use a tip now and then.
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