Dating and the Pursuit of Happiness
INTRODUCTION: Loving Yourself into a Relationship
by Dolah Saleh There are hundreds of books available on the subject of dating and relationships. Many of these books suggest engaging in subterfuge, obnoxious flirting and manipulative tactics to capture the attention and hearts of our love interest. And a few months down the road, we are surprised when we are unhappy, wondering why we are with someone with whom we have nothing in common, or, we are continually disappointed because we have placed all our hopes and dreams in the other person’s hands.
80 million men and women in the United States are single. Yet, the biggest complaint about being single is, “All the good ones are taken!” Now, are all the “good ones” really taken, or are you meeting people who are not the best ones for you? An additional consideration: how can you meet the right person if you do not know who you are and who that “best” person would be? In Love in the Millennium, I address this very issue. In the first few chapters, you will have an opportunity to look at your own personality and understand how you communicate, interact and handle emotions. You will also learn how your unique personality preference impacts your relationships.
Being single should be a time of introspection and exploration, a time to discover new things about ourselves and what we need to be happy. If we are not having fun while engaged in the quest for a mate, we need to re-examine the way we view our status. Rather than focus on the goal (i.e., getting married), we should enjoy our single years—spend time with friends and family, pursue fulfilling work, explore interests and hobbies. By developing our interests and passions, we become more interesting and dynamic people, and we put ourselves in the position to meet others who share the same interests and passions.
Each of us has acquired a certain amount of information simply from having personally experienced a fair amount of successful and not-so-successful dating. As a lifelong student of psychology and human behavior, I have applied my knowledge and experience to what is happening in the dating world today. It is the aim of this book to combine this knowledge and experience along with numerous interviews and expert information in creating an informative resource for individuals seeking a satisfying romantic relationship. In order to effect change in our lives, we need to have a willing mind and an open heart.
In my first book, There’s No Place Like Home, I discuss the need for us to take responsibility for our own lives and choices and how we are indeed in control of our own happiness and success. The motivation for that work came from the needs I identified while involved in a qualitative research project for a Ph.D. program. It seemed that when people had experienced an involuntary job loss due to a company restructure or shut down, they were left with a sense of despair and feelings of diminished self worth. This caused them to approach the future with trepidation and circumspection. When I began researching information on singles and dating, it occurred to me that there was a great deal of similarity in how many of the singles approached the prospect of a future relationship: many people believe that someone else is in control of their happiness and fulfillment in life.
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