The History of Family Rules
As the following statistics demonstrate; we have definitely become a Family 2000 and step-relationship society:
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The fastest growing marital-status category is divorced persons.
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By the year 2000, more Americans will be living in stepfamilies than in nuclear families. (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990)
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When we include living-together arrangements in our definition of "family," close to 50 percent of all women, not just mothers, will at some time live in stepfamily relationships. (Professor Larry L. Bumpass, University of Wisconsin, 1994)
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One out of two marriages ends in divorce. (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990)
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After a breakup, the vast majority of men and women go on to form other relationships.
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Some 60 percent of second marriages fail. (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990)
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Some 66 percent of remarriages and living-together arrangements end in breakup when children are actively involved. (Stepfamily Foundation, 1994)
Despite figure like these, most graduate schools of psychiatry, psychology, and social work provide no specific training in dealing with the particular dynamics of divorced parents, their partners, and those who have recoupled and are living in a stepfamily. Often, the methods and information appropriate to the nuclear family can be destructive if applied to the highly specific and delicate dynamics of divorced and stepfamily systems.
The Family Rules covers the five essential R’s – Rules, Roles, Responsibility, Routine, and Respect. We examine the basics: meals, bedtime, after-school hours, jobs in the house, and manners. We also look at ways to enforce the rules and we examine positive and negative consequences (rewards and punishments).
This book describes how to establish your place as head of household, the new necessary ways of good partnering, and how to teach children to be responsible family team members. It gives you the tools to avoid raising children who are disrespectful, unmanageable, defiant, and noncontributing.
Taking Charge as Head of the Household
Perhaps one of the biggest manifestations of guilt is the failure to take charge. Many parents give up their position as head of the household, both emotionally and behaviorally. They have succumbed to the popular notion of democratic parenting – the belief that everything is open to discussion and that daily rules and responsibilities can be broken for the slightest reason. This is a typical problem and it’s confusing for children.
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